Being a Stay at Home Mom IS Work- and it’s NOT easy either
Do you think Being a Stay at Home Mom is Work? Many people seemingly don’t. In fact, there are several people out there that define motherhood as something entirely different.
I have recently been told by a few people that I keep having kids so I don’t have to “work.” (Except, I DO have a work from home job as well that I have to balance with kids etc…)
Yes, That is it. In fact, I am going to have 20 so that I can relax with my feet up on the table all day for the next 20 odd years eating chocolate, reading magazines and watching TV.
Being a Stay at Home Mom IS Work!
Dictionary.com defines Work as follows:
1. exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
2. something on which exertion or labor is expended; a task or undertaking: The students finished their work in class.
3. productive or operative activity.
BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM IS WORK.
Nowhere in the definition does it say for you to “work” you have to get paid. It states that you have to exert effort directed to produce or accomplish something. Which for me would be considered “Fully functioning, happy, healthy, Members of society contributing in a positive manner.”
My job is a commitment FOREVER. And If I fail, I have RUINED A HUMAN BEING NOT A HAMBURGER!
The best part of my job as a Stay At Home Mom is that it doesn’t pay very well in the money department. In fact, it doesn’t pay at all. If It did I would incur A LOT of overtime pay and have fancy new clothes and a nice haircut instead of these ripped sweatpants and this mop on my head.
So while some of you, without children, wake up to an alarm clock every morning, have a shower, slip on your work clothes and head off to your jobs. I wake up to the sound of children demanding food at any given hour in the morning. I skip a leisurely shower and go straight to MY work clothes. (which I always put on in the dark.) Then, I head to the kitchen to be a short-order cook, cleaner, childcare provider and most importantly, a teacher. I don’t get to punch out at the end of the day, I don’t get a paycheck at the end of the week, or a Christmas bonus. It’s all worth it to know that I put everything I can into developing my children into what will one day be fully functioning Adults.
In my opinion, Being a Stay at home Mom is work, but it’s a great job! One that I will treasure for years to come.
I couldn’t agree more with you, not only am I a stay at home mom but I run a business and a blog while taking care of my kids, yet some people seem to think I sit and watch tv all day. Even when my kids start going to school full time I will still be doing what I do because I make more money now than when I was working outside of the house and because I love being home for my kids… I wouldn’t trade it for the best 9-5 job in the world. It doesn’t work for everyone so it’s a very personal choice just PLEASE PLEASE don’t treat a stay at home mom like she doesn’t do anything because it’s the toughest job in the world.
Totally! Well said. Being a stay at home mom is hard work. Honestly, most days I think going “back to work” would be like a paid vacation. When I worked out in the “real world” I didn’t have to deal with snot, feces or vomit, and no one ever pulled my hair.
Amen sister! The job of a stay at home mom is waaaaay more difficult then any out of the home job.
Well try being a single mom and going out getting an education also taking care of a lot of other things and people, i may not have the best job in the world but i work it amazing and my side jobs make it worth it.I always have done this on my own and think that claiming being a stay at home mom is a hard job is a joke.I have busted my ass and made one of the best kids going and i love watching all the uppity stay at home moms look down on me, when there kids act like little assholes and mine is so obedient .I am pretty sure the hamburger thing is directed at what shan said to you. Shan makes decent money cause she busted her ass for it, plus whatever pays the bills works well you trying to make things better!!!!Also i think its bullshit that you are making the stay at home mom thing a big deal.For your children to be productive humans in society you need to practice what you preach and instill good morals. Stats say that my son will be in jail by the time he is 13(not hard time but arrested and charged at least once). My son has a better chance then most, because he has a life that he deserves because i busted my ass for it.Love ur blogs and stuff like that and enjoy that you can word things to look amazing but life is life and being a stay at home mom is not hard.I tried it and also melissa who is on her third has taking the time to stay home for well it really counted but goes back out to work when that time is done and she needs to return to being a functioning member of society.life is life and now a days being a stay at home mom pretty much gets you nowhere, i get that you want to be at home and enjoy it but you make it seem so hard it is not and u have a good kid so there for you can not preach that all the time. even when your next one come its only a little rough at the beginning when getting back into it..keep up your blogs but i would relax on the it being a job thing.Its not a job its your life and your suppose to love it…It should not feel like a job.
I have been a single mom as well as a SAHM. No matter what one decides to do with their life they make sacrifices. If you work you sacrifice time if you are at home you are a full time parent. When you are a single parent you have it rough too. You work and have no me time. I get it. No one is saying it is easy. Life is hard. I think the point of the post was that SAHM ‘s don’t have it as easy as some think. Where two working parents may share household responsibilities a SAHM will do it all. The cooking the cleaning, the errands the playgroups etc. Also the waking up at night and the “no me time”
I have a friend who works and her spouse works, they have a nanny. They sacrifice daily to be able to do this. This means 1 car, no vacations etc. Every families choice is their own and no one should turn their nose of to them or look down at them. You truly never know how hard one has it.
I refuse to argue about this. And as far as a blog not being work is bullshit. Yes it is something bloggers enjoy. But for your blog to be worth anything other than a diary you need to work at it. That means emailing, networking, updating etc. You may be surprised to know that many bloggers actually get paid.
Blogs are crap load of work! I have been working on mine for over a year now, usually 30 hours a week, just to keep the money coming in. Blogs are much more then just diaries now a days, they are incomes, jobs, they are everything!
Oh how I miss me time. My me time is working on my blog, or getting my every other day shower without a child running in asking what I am doing. Blogs are work, but they are work that we all enjoy!
Lets just start with the fact that I am not comparing my life to that of a single Mother’s. So my post has nothing to do with your situation. Being a Stay At Home Mom is a hard job in my eyes, and I never said being a Working Mom isn’t, in fact I didn’t even compare the two. The Hamburger comment is based on everyone that doesn’t have kids thinking that my job is unimportant, kinda a smart assed way of saying “So you think yours is?”, I could have used a different analogy but that one was the easiet. As soon as my kids are grown I never said I didn’t plan on joining the work force. I also believe that it’s all in the way you raise your children, and DO NOT think that the statistic applies to you or your son. I am lucky enough to get to be a Stay At home Mom, but it’s also an important job. I chose to raise my kids without paying someone else to do it for me, I get that privilege. I never once said that I don’t LOVE being a stay at home mom, because I do. I Wouldn’t trade it for all the jobs in the world. However, It’s hard work and yes sometimes it feels like a job. Especially when I don’t get a break, don’t have much family or friends around and don’t go out very often without my child. Like I said, it’s all worth it knowing I am contributing to my child’s future and I am not complaining at all, merely stating that I am doing what I feel is my job and my duty.. and I don’t think that should be taken lightly or ridculed. I Have kids because I love my children NOT so that I don’t have to “Go back to work”. THAT was the meaning of this post.
I’m sorry but Selina let’s just say that being a mom period is hard work, cause it is. I’ve been a single mom, a working mom and a stay at home mom. All of them are hard work, I know I’ve done them. I wouldn’t debate which is the hardest, that is impossible. We all do what we have to do in order to raise our kids the best we can, and each situation is different and requires a different way of doing things. So let’s not debate but just agree that being a mom is hard work.
Agreed! And well said
Thank you =)
Being a stay at home mom is hard work, but physically and emotionally. You devote every waking moment to another human being. You don’t get sick days, you don’t get holidays (well most don’t) and you don’t get much sanity.
I’ve been a stay at home Mom since my children were born, but I am also a full time working Mom from home. I have also raised my children on my own since they were born, until I met my fiance now, whom is gone a lot of the time because he lives in the US. Being a single Mom is hard, but it is just as hard being a Stay at Mom with a Husband. I have done the single Mom life for 4 years, did all the supporting, did everything.
I feel stay at home Moms are some of the hardest working people in the world. Many would love to have full time jobs and the interaction with others, but know with the daycare fees you are pretty much working just to pay for the daycare. I thrive on seeing other human beings. In the past year I have had interaction with others once outside of my own Mother and fiance. Being a stay at home mom is one hard. Being a working Mom is hard. Being a freaking MOM is hard.
NinjaMommers wasn’t posting a fight, or a debate, she was voicing an opinion. People who don’t have kids don’t generally think our lives are hard. Live it for a day and tell me it isn’t hard. My children are 3 & 4. Fully raised by me. Financed by me. Everything has been Mommy. No child support. No help. Just me. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I would love people to stop thinking being a SAHM is easy. You try being ordered around all day by little people whenever they are hungry, or bored or in my case, breathing. You try rarely interacting with anyone over the height of 3 feet tall. Motherhood can be emotionally draining, but a blessing all at once.
This post is NOT a joke. It is a reality. Every parenting experience is different. Every life is different. Not a joke. Everyone has it harder or easier then each other. Why dwell that you have it harder then someone else, when you could just reach out and get support from them instead?
Great post NinjaMommers! Being a stay at home Mom is hard, and the fact you are trying to make a name for yourself with your brand new site and make something out of yourself beyond just a Mom is absolutely amazing. Keep it up. You deserve greatness, because in reality YOU ROCK!
I have been a work at home mom and no one ever seemed to get the working thing. Others would see me at home and think I was just watching soaps lol
Being a mom is the hardest and best job anyone can ever have. No matter how they choose to do it. They make a difference in their children s lives and they all need to be shown the respect that they deserve. I agree that this post was just to say “hey I do have a job, and that is raising my kids:)”
I was a stay at home mom with my oldest, during this period of time, I gained a diploma and a few years later achieved another diploma. Now, I’m a working mother with my second.
It’s funny to see how other mothers downplay being at home, it’s emotionally and physically draining at times. I find going to work a little break to gain my thoughts, take a deep breath and a place to have contact with people over 7.
Being a stay at home mom IS work, just as a working mom is.
I think it’s ignorant to state otherwise.
Selina- Just because you’ve come across people who look down on you, doesn’t mean ALL stay at home moms do. I don’t know about you but, your working status has NOTHING to do with the way your children behave. That’s completely on you, their CAREGIVER.
The way you express yourself shows your character and perhaps you should take a page out of your own book of manners.
If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
I love, love , love this post. I’ve been a single mom, a married mom, a working mom, and a stay-at-home mom…I’ve kind of done it all…and being a parent (PERIOD!) is hard work!
I hate the attitude people sometimes have towards SAHMs. A lot of people think they don’t want to go to work because they are lazy. I think this is sad on many levels but I don’t understand why people think it’s a “bad” thing to want to raise your own children!
I used to jokingly (well, only half jokingly) say that I went to work in order to get a break from my unpaid work!
And yes…being a parent is a job (whether you are in paid work or not)…the most important job you will ever have in the world!
Well said!! And as they get older it doesn’t change. The responsibility only increases as you run from one extracurricular activity to the next. I also work from home and often perceived as though I am free all day and have all this time on my hands. I’m sorry, I am a business owner, a maid, an accountant, a janitor, a chef and the list goes on and on. LOL I think a lot of our hard work goes unaccounted for and it kills me when people wonder why I’m so tired all the time. There are no sick or mental health days in my world!!
Radically reducing the use of chemicals in personal care and cleaning.
I honestly don’t think being a parent is hard (unless your have a child with disabilities). I find trying to hold a relationship or a marriage together is harder then parenting. Even when you get upset the moment passes quickly. I have never looked at parenting as a job or work. Also don’t think I dont enjoy Ninja Mommer’s blog… because i DO, these spots for comments are there so people can post there own opinions as well..I hope Ninja Mommers’ knows i am just stating my opinion, she should, we have been good friends for a long time and she knows I am not out to offend her or anything like that…just saying!!!
Selina, Everyone is entitled to their opinion my friend- It did look like I was being attacked (even if I wasn’t) in regards to my view point of parenting. I chose to parent. I LOVE to be a Mommy. It’s my favorite thing ever… so I wasn’t complaining about that at all. 🙂 Don’t get me wrong.
I will respectfully disagree. Being a stay at home parent offers more comfortable and less stressful lifestyle than most jobs. No nine to five (or rather eight to seven) work week, no politics, no stressed out boss or business partner to deal with, no promotion, no demotion, no salary cuts, no lay offs…
Donâ€™t take me wrong, the reason I am responding to this post is not to bash stay at home parents. I want to give a credit where credit is due and it should go to the hard working person who has an imperfect work, deals with an imperfect boss, imperfect coworkers, clients and suppliers and, at the end of the day, has some energy left to spend with his or her family.
Being a stay at home mom is hard work, well at least for me it can be anyways. People say it isn’t stressful and isn’t much work, but I will have to disagree. Try having a baby that cries 24/7 and you get no sleep or rest because you are constantly focusing on that baby and trying to get the baby satisfied. Not so easy. It never seems to end, not like all as SAHM’s do is sit on the couch and eat popcorn all day (Although I wish I could) I am constantly up and down. Bottles need sterilizing and made, laundry needs done (usually 3 loads a day or more) house cleaned top to bottom, (can’t clean four levels of house in 5 minutes) dinner needs to be made, dogs need to go pee, dogs need fed, baby needs bath, baby needs fed.. It is a never ending job. And we don’t get paid for it. I love it, I really do, but it can be hard work. It is emotionally and physically draining, especially when there’s no such thing as “you” time anymore.
This argument runs rampant in my home but the reality is that we chose our roles.
My husband works in an office, filled with mothers who are jealous of me because I chose to stay home with our daughter. I was a nurse in my previous career and will be again when my daughter is older and in school full time. I work just as hard as my husband, but we both have a different line of work…so the degree of ‘hard’ varies. He deals with people who hate being at work and I make supper, scrub the toilets and vacuum. He gets lunch break and I get naptime. We both work hard at our day jobs. On the weekends, I go to the nursing home to ‘work’ – or socialize with adults – and he stays home to the toys and tantrums. His sanity suffers in similar ways to mine. But what you have to understand is that we both chose our roles. I’m lucky to be able to offer my child this opportunity and lucky to have a husband who works so hard to support my work inside the home 🙂
well I find being a parent tremendously hard work. Currently I am a work at home mom with a husband who is laid off work and has been out of work for the past 7 months. My oldest son has Autism & Oppositional Defiance Disorder & ADHD. My middle son has ADHD. My daughter is neurotypical (aka “normal”) with a mild speech delay. I used to be “just” a stay at home mom. A stay at home mom with severe post partum depression who spent her days with specialists and trying to figure out how to parent… but still a stay at home mom.
My mom was a single mom with just me. And I maintain she had is just as hard as I have… just very very different.
Everyone has struggles. Everyone has moments where they wonder if they can keep up. Everyone has moments where they think “yes, I can totally do this! I have got this mom thing down!”.
I think we all just need to really support each other and realize that yes- someone else probably DOES have it MUCH harder than we do… but you know what? If we are reading blogs we have it waaaayyy better than all those mamas who are watching their babies starve to death in Africa today… or those mamas who are listening to their little girls being raped by soldiers in civil unrest… or the mamas who just had their children killed in one of the many natural disasters that have wracked our earth in the last few months. I don’t mean to be dramatic… I just mean to give a little perspective. We are doing ok. We really don’t have it so bad… relatively speaking 🙂
Look at this amazingly wonderful community we have online. I love the friends and support that I have found online- I maintain blogging has saved my sanity on more than one occasion in the 5 years since I began my blog. I am so thankful for the many kind words- even from those with differing opinions.
It is ok to disagree- that is just life 🙂
But we can disagree and still be supportive of one another 🙂
Thanks for the post – and for all the interesting comments!
I am a stay at home/work at home mom and have been for the last 7 years. I have four kids that are all 2 years apart. My husband when my first daughter was born was on shift work, there were times where we barely saw each other and I took care of everything. I went back to work after my first, and second, and when my third was born I knew I wanted to be home.
It was very hard but it was harder when the other kids came. I don’t complain. I also have a full time business that I run from home, and I just recently started to blog and move forward with that. My husband doesn’t do shift work anymore but he recently started his own business as well. So I am alone for mostly everything, I have three in school and one at home.
I volunteer at school, I work my own business. I drink cold coffee and usually have to warm up my meals. It is a busy life, and there are days when the kids are fighting that I wish for some adult time, that it would be nice to go to work and deal with adults for a while but I do not regret my choice.
It does tick me off how other moms judge each other. Like the show on Anderson where the working moms interviewed the stay at home moms as ” lazy! ” I sat on my butt more in my office job as a credit manager than I ever do at home. It is a crazy busy life and I would not have it any other way. I wish moms would be more accepting of one another and if a mom is finding her life being home with the kids hard, we should be supportive of that instead of critical. It is a real shame because Motherhood is our common bond, it is what makes us feel empathy toward one another and why we understand one another as well as we do.
Do I judge the mom who goes to work instead of staying home with her child, no I don’t because her choice is none of my business. Is it so hard to just get along? Is it so hard to stop the nonsense of thinking we are all better than one another? Yes there are days at the office that are extremely stressful, then there is traffic and all the rushing around to get home, make supper, get the kids ready for bed I remember those days well but on the other hand there are days where I am rushing around at home, the only thing that is different is the location.
Is it too much to ask working moms to also see that the choice to stay home is a hard one as well? When did all of this start anyway? It used to be that it was a good thing to stay at home with your kids, now it’s become something that we as stay at home moms should feel bad about because it’s associated with being lazy? Maybe we all need to walk a few miles in each others shoes to see both ways are challenging and hard.