Parenting Style Studies – Why I am Appauled

There are so many parenting style studies these days that suggest that “Crying it out” will have a long term negative effect on children’s growth and development. A lot of studies seemingly suggest, in my opinion, that parenting in general can hinder your Child’s development.

Am I supposed to stop parenting all together and allow my children to run the streets manipulating and lieing? Not respecting anyone? Am I being advised to allow my almost 2 year old daughter to wake at 3 in the morning every night screaming because she wants to get out of bed, by going in there and picking her up and coddling her and attempting to rock her back to sleep?

Call me a bad Mother, but my independent studies suggest that each child is different, each child has different needs, each child needs different techniques when it comes to behavior…. but EVERY child needs PARENTS… to PARENT. >Gasp!<

Do I believe that other parents are wrong to co-sleep, not Cry it out, or spend virtually no time actually correcting ill behavior? No, actually I do not. Those are your Children, YOU know what is best for them, not some “study’.

Do I feel like I may be too hard on my children? Some times. But, Parenting is a learning process for EVERYONE involved. You will make mistakes, it’s all in how you rectify them, teach your children that it’s OK to make mistakes once in a while. Believe it or not everyone does it. But also teach them they have to have responsibility for their actions and remorse for wrong doing. Teach them how to FEEL.

My children are loved, a lot, and they are well aware of this. They know they are loved, they are well aware that Mommy would do anything to protect them and keep them safe, and they certainly KNOW HOW to love despite some studies suggesting they won’t. They are also well aware that negative behaviors have negative consequences, and thus positive behaviors have positive consequences. Go figure.

Reading some of these studies I get offended, not because I feel someone is questioning my parenting, but because I feel as though sometimes they are implying that my children are too stupid to manipulate. They aren’t. In fact, most children are pretty darn smart. If I as a parent, allow negative behaviors with no response or consequence, of course they will repeat that behavior, why wouldn’t they? They got what they wanted. If Baby girl wakes up every night at 3 in the morning and I go in there and pick her up and coo at her and talk to her and cuddle her, then she got what she wanted. She got positive reinforcement for negative behavior. She got a hug for manipulating a situation… she didn’t want to sleep, and now she isn’t. That’s not to say that if she is sick, or upset or needs something, that I am going to ignore her and let her work it out on her own, but in reality there isn’t a problem every single night. I understand this, and now, so does she.

I am sure that there will be more in the way of my feelings on this, as I feel very strongly that each child has different needs, but I refuse to create an army of disrespectful, lazy, manipulative children because I am afraid of “hindering their development.” They are MUCH smarter than these studies give them credit for and I think that sometimes, they do more harm than good.

I believe strongly that you know your children better than anyone else, you know what they need and do not need. I am sure you are doing a great job whether you follow the studies, or do what you think is best. 

Do You Read a lot of Parenting Style Studies and Augment Your Parenting Because of Them? Or do you Read Your Children, and Augment your Parenting Style to fit What You Believe They Need? Or Both?


  1. Lori at Frugal Edmonton Mama on September 3, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Someone gave me some advice when we had our first daughter. It was to ignore all of the books, all of the studies and especially all of the advice that people were going to give you. Do what feels right – and you know what? That’s working great for us. Every child is different, and so you must adapt.

  2. Jody @ Mommy Moment on September 3, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Children are so different! We love the restitution model for parenting as it works well with the differences of our children 🙂

    • Ninja Mommers on September 3, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      As parents we should all be able to dictate our parenting style without being judged. Unless there is abuse involved. And yes, Children are ALL so different, no two are the same.

  3. Randa @ The Bewitchin' Kitchen on September 3, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I couldn’t agree more. Every child is different. Every parenting style won’t always work on each child. We are responsible for shaping these tiny human’s lives! I get so frustrated on this subject because from most of these “studies” it turns out to be that I’m a terrible mom. I’m not, my son knows he is loved. He comes to me to kiss boo boos, he comes to cuddle and he will appreciate what I do later.

    • Ninja Mommers on September 3, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      Hey us “Terrible Moms” can band together…. Because we certainly aren’t shaping “Terrible” Children. I totally agree with you! It IS frustrating to read these “studies”.

  4. MultiTestingMom on September 3, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    I am a true believer that every child is different and many situations are different too. I do read studies, books, etc., but I take everything with a grain of salt and tailor it to meet our needs!

  5. Kathleen on September 3, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    I read lots of parenting books and articles and have taken some quizzes too but I take every suggestion with a grain of salt and apply it to my situation and my children. You are right not all children are the same and you can’t handle them all the same for that very reason. As long as your children are well taken care of, handle situations the way that make sense to you.

  6. paula schuck on September 3, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    You said a couple of things here that are dead on 100 % truths. Every child is different. Every single one is a completely unique bundle of needs, weaknesses and strengths. Each child has different baggage they carry with them especially when they come from a foster or adoption background. Neurotypical children can be hard enough but then add a disability and you have a whole other game. But what is always the truth is that kids need consistency and they need parents to be their parents! Period.

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