2. You hide in the bathroom with the door locked to read one page of your book, and when your husbands asks you to find something for him, you make really gross fart noises and groan… he will leave you alone.. trust me!
3. You move out the couch to clean under it and find a puddle of what was once juice but is now just sticky goo covered in dog hair.. someone spilled their juice and didn’t tell you… or you spilled your juice and forgot.. whichever!
4. What used to be eyeliner in your purse is now a stain remover stick, and what used to be money is now countless toys and snacks in case of an emergency.. And that sticky stuff? Who knows what that is but it certainly wasn’t in there before you had kids!
5. You used to spend hours putting on your makeup, now you spend hours trying to wash peanut butter out of your hair.
6. Sleeping in used to be Noon, 1Pm and sometimes Dinner! Sleeping in now constitutes anything past 7am.
7. You used to put a lot of effort into yourself, and your biggest worry was how you looked. Now your children are more well dressed than you are and you find yourself looking like a homeless person in the background of family photos.
8. Your Biggest Accomplishments are the things that your Children Accomplish.
9. Your big plans for the weekend consist of Early Mornings, Parks, Movies and Snuggles when they used to consist of friends, parties and sleeping in.
10. You are wearing mis-matched socks and your shirts on backwards- who says getting dressed in the dark is easy?
11. Your idea of a nice dinner is one where everyone eats and no food lands in your hair or on the wall.
12. You can’t carry on a conversation without someone dying of thirst, starvation or pooping their pants.
13. Picking somone else’s nose is no longer considered gross, its now a part of your daily routine.
14. You’re song in the shower used to be whatever was current on the radio, its now the most annoying theme song from a television show you could live without.
15. You realize your boobs aren’t just for looking at- in fact, they aren’t even enjoyable to look at anymore.. and what is that between them!? Dried milk and a cheerio?!
16. Its progress if one leg is half shaved- lets not even talk about the arm pit hair- the Eurpoean look is in right?
17. The idea of your son having a girlfriend makes you cringe- How dare she take your Little Man away!? And the idea of him getting married? NO.
18. Your Child has a dirty face and you find yourself using your own spit to clean it off- Eww, Remember how you swore you would never do that because you HATED it so much when your Mom did it? – Yep.
19. Your Husband’s sandwiches are always cut into four little easy to eat triangles which you almost cut the crust off before you catch yourself.
20. You get more excited about a child taking a nap then you do about a trip to the mall to get a pedicure!
21. You need a dictionary to look up the definition of pedicure because it’s been so long since you’ve had one you can’t remember what that is.
22. The washing machine has become more of a life line then your hair straightener.
23. You count the seconds until your Little ones go to spend the weekend with their Papa- Then once they are gone, count the seconds until their return so you can snuggle and hug them- What? You missed their boogery faces!
24. The “Pictures” file on your computer used to consist of shots of you in your most adorable outfits and on adventures with friends. -Now, there are 23,000 photos of your Little ones and the oldest is only 4.
25. You hear a baby start to cry in a store and you start to slowly sway back and forth or bounce up and down and your children aren’t even with you.
26. You spend what seems like hours searching for your sunglasses when you realize they are still on your head from when you went to the park- hours ago.
27. Taking a poop is impossible to do without an audience.
28. Telemarketers hang up on you- Hey you’re desperate for adult conversation and they voluntarily called you- They thought you wanted to hear about how to get your ducts cleaned, you thought why not tell them about your labour.
29. Your idea of relaxing is closing your eyes for 30 seconds and taking a deep breath. Now if only you could find the time to do that.
30. Your most stylish look consists of sweat pants, a sweat shirt and a pony tail. Hey, at least you could find the hair elastics- Either that or you used the elastic from the broccoli- just don’t tell anyone.