Beer for My Baby, Deodorant for my Face and a Filter For My Mouth

Beer for My Baby? No, but I am back and more insane and klutzy than ever! Welcome to the Ninja Mommers’ show… I will be your host, Crazy McCrazerson. On this episode of Ninja Mommers’ gone wild, you will be shocked and amazed at the insanity that continues to ensue. So, grab your popcorn, Put your feet up and relax. You are in for more insanity (In a different way) than Jersey Shore. Welcome to the Ninja House.

Picture this, Your son is sick with 3 different brands of awful, brought home by your loving and caring husband. Your Little man is a coughing, sneezing, feverish mess. You take him to the doctors and you are told that he has an ear infection, tonsillitis and what might turn out to be bronchitis if you aren’t careful! FANTASTIC!

So obviously, these are the occurrences of yesterday when I took little man into the doctors, he wasn’t complaining of sore ears, or anything.. he just had a low grade fever and a cough so I thought it might be bronchitis… WRONG… it was everything else. GREAT! So, we got him the medication he needed and came home and made him rest. For the 2 nights prior to the doctors I was up every little while with Little man because his “Nose was runny and he needed a kweeenex”. I ended up having very little sleep, if any at all. Last night was the same story. I was up ALL night. We transitioned Baby girl from her bassinet to her crib last night. She did rather well but got up a few times because it was chilly in her bedroom due to the fact that the windows in this house stink and they let all the cold air in… RAWR. Little Man was up for medication every 3 hours to keep his fever down, and sometimes in between. I resorted to reading a book in my bed because sleeping was pointless.

I must have fallen asleep for about an hour this morning after husband/daddy went to work because I woke up in an awkward position, drool trickling down my chin, holding a book in my right hand. Little Man walked into my room and said “Mommy I don’t feel well” rather pathetically. I looked at the clock and it was 7am. Fine, so we went downstairs where I cut Little Man up an apple because that’s all he wanted to eat and got him situated in his little “sick spot” on the couch. I went to the cupboard to make myself an “Instant Coffee” because we have yet to purchase a coffee maker… and we were out of coffee! We have been out of coffee for the last week but I keep forgetting to replenish our supply… FAIL. So I settle for a tea. Baby girl wakes up and I feed her and we continue on with our morning as usual. Little Man is snuggling on the couch, still rather miserable.

At 11:30 Baby girl is ready to eat again… I go to the fridge to grab her bottle and stick it in the cup of hot water to heat it.. because I am old school and don’t bother with bottle warmers… except what I grabbed wasn’t a bottle… it was a can of Daddy’s beer that had been sitting in the fridge! Yes, ladies and gentlemen I am so tired and sleep and caffeine deprived that I tried to warm up a can of beer…. I laughed at myself and took the can out of the hot water and replaced it with a bottle of her formula… WAKE UP NINJA MOMMERS. So, I proceeded to feed Baby girl A BOTTLE OF FORMULA.. chuckling to myself that I really need some sleep.

After Baby girl ate I took her upstairs for her nap and Little Man came with me. I put him in his room to play with some cars because lets face it I really needed a shower… I walked passed my bed and somehow managed to take a huge chunk out of my baby toe on the box spring…. blood everywhere… OWWWW! On the verge of tears I walk to the bathroom and turn on the shower… I get in and wash all my cares away and emerge feeling what I thought was refreshed… I WAS WRONG. I picked up a towel that I THOUGHT was clean… was it clean? NO! Husband/Daddy had hung it back on the hook but he must have used that same towel last night to clean his shower puddles off the floor because after wiping my face on it I realized it was covered in dog hair and smelled like an old sock… YAY! I proceeded to the sink where I washed my face and dried it on a clean towel. I grabbed my deodorant and make up bag out of my drawer and suddenly heard a crash, I put the make up bag and deodorant down on the counter and went to investigate. Little man had just dropped a car… sheesh, crisis averted. I headed back to the bathroom to put my make up on. I then picked up my cover up put some on my hands and started to put it on my face… only problem? It WASN’T my cover up, it was my deodorant! How you make that mistake I will NEVER know but my face smelled like my pits should have!  BACK to washing my face. I decided then, that make up was NOT happening today.

I took little man back down stairs with me, while baby girl continued to nap. Little Man went back to playing with his cars and I decided that since I am a BAD Ninja I would go out for a cigarette. (Yep, despite all my encouragement and advice about how to keep your resolutions… I am still smoking, It needs to end soon) I went outside, put the cigarette in my mouth the wrong way… and lit the filter…. I haven’t even bothered to attempt to smoke since. Forget it.

Apparently I need to sleep. Soon.