However, sometimes I think it would be beneficial to my health to have 5 minuets to myself. Yes, I have time after they go to bed, or in the shower, but every waking second in my life is either spent raising them, worrying about them, or thinking about them… that, and beating myself up wondering if I am doing something wrong. Being a Mother is exhausting in more than one way.
Both the kids are sick lately. Colds as far as I can tell. Super unpleasant. Baby Girl who is 16 months is pretty upset about all that gooey goop in her nose. Can’t say I blame her, it’s awful being all stuffed up. She hasn’t been sleeping well, and between that and my husband snoring like a freight train in my ear, I can’t say I have slept much… or at all really. Being a Mother is relentless.
Last night I was at the point of dreaming of sticking my head in the washing machine on the rinse cycle to at least cleanse my aura… or drown my sorrows, whatever came first really. Being a Mother is 24/7.
Today the kids are impossible. Little man is just tired and yucky feeling and Baby Girl is exhausted because she didn’t sleep last night, and completely upset about everything. Being as I didn’t get much sleep either, I am running on fumes and feeling as though packing up and moving to Brazil, changing my name from Mommy to Fernanda and living a relaxing life drinking Caipirinha would be pretty nice right now. But, I would miss the kids. Heck, just thinking about it I already miss them. Being a Mother is confusing.
But then, they both climbed up on my lap, snuggled into my arms and sighed. That sigh gets me every time! That sigh means to me, that they feel safe, they feel comfortable and most of all they feel loved. That means everything to me. Being a Mother is rewarding.
Being a Mother is my life, and as much as sometimes I think I would like to pack up and move, I have no idea what I would do without their faces, the good and bad times, the messy kisses, the too tight hugs and all the memories we create. Being a Mother is the best thing on the planet.