I find myself saying a lot of the same things over and over again. It’s almost like a rinse and repeat type deal. I have said before that I feel like a broken record, and that hasn’t changed. However, now I find myself repeating the same things over and over again… with the ODDEST things.
So without furthur ado here are my top 10.
1. That is NOT a Hat
Now, do not get me wrong, I am all for creative play and thinking, HOWEVER, sometimes it just goes too far. Like when my 2 year old decides that the dog bowl filled with water is a perfect hat just before we leave to go pick up her brother from school. I am also not a fan of her picking things like: The flower pot, a glass plate, her bowl full of spaghetti or my laundry basket full of clean, freshly folded laundry.
2. Get Your Fingers Out of Your Nose
This is something I say far too frequently. Seriously. Between both my children you’d think I owned a booger mine. Every time I turn around I find myself saying: “Get your fingers out of your nose!” or “Would you please just use a kleenex?” Similar: “Get your fingers out of your mouth, ears, toilet, cookie jar etc. “
3. Inside Voices!
This is usually said while screaming over top of them screaming over top of each other. This also occurs when every. single. word. out of my son and daughter is screamed at the top of their lungs. Take a normal sentence, now say it in a normal voice… now take your voice and scream that sentence as loud as you can… yeah… kind of like that… but about 10 times louder and 10 octaves higher.
4. Just Eat
Seriously, is Dinner Time a spartan battle over here? I don’t care that your sister is making a face at you, or that the dog sneezed, or that you farted. JUST EAT. No, I am not concerned that you may possibly be too full for dessert or that your brother is making noises. JUST EAT. PLEASE. JUST EAT.
5. That is Not a Toy
Would you stop playing with the toilet seat? The toilet paper? That is not a toy. Do you think that you could possibly refrain from pressing the button on the front of my computer a million times? That is not a toy. When we are at Grandma’s house, could you please just leave her picture frames alone? Those aren’t toys either. The dogs ears? Nope. Not toys. Those millions of dollars worth of hot wheels and nick nacks in the toy box collecting dust… yeah, those are toys.
6. Don’t Jump on That
The furniture, the dog, the table, my head, the bed…. DON’T JUMP ON THAT! Just don’t do it.
7. The Answer is No!
Why do I have to answer the same question 4 million times? I already said NO you can not currently have a cookie, play video games or buy that car. The answer is no. I don’t all of a sudden change my mind the 10th time I am asked. I am going to start learning different languages to say no in so that I can at least change it up for my benefit. The next time I am asked the same question more than twice, I am going to reply with “nicht” and then send you to bed!
8. Be Patient!
Relax! Seriously. Just because you asked me for a drink .5 seconds ago does NOT mean that I HAVE to get up right this second to fill your cup. You ARE NOT going to parish in the next few minuets. I promise. We are not in the desert. Can I just finish Pooping first?
9. Close The Door!
I am trying to go the bathroom in silence, change my clothes, or just take a deep breath. If the door is closed, leave it that way… unless you are on fire. More importantly, do not complain about having seen me naked if you just barge into my room when the door is closed… You made me look this way, but nobody forced you to open that door.
10. Do I look like ___________’s Mother?
But MOOOOM, So and So’s Mom lets him watch “The Walking Dead?” Well, do I look like his Mother? No, No I do not. Because I am not. I did not birth him, or his mother, so they can do whatever it is that they see fit. However, I did birth you. So, unfortunately for you all your choices are currently mine to make. Now, I would count myself lucky if I were you, because I think you have it pretty darned good.
Now these are just the top 10 things I find myself uttering on a pretty much daily basis. Now, of course I always tell them I love them and give them praise as well… so all you jerks over analyzing this can just close the door!