Dear Family, I have news for you. BIG NEWS! You won’t believe it. Are you ready?
The house doesn’t clean itself.
There. I said it! We are not the owners of a fancy self cleaning house, although that does sound spectacular.
Wait, what? You don’t believe me?
Listen to me, that porcelain throne you sit your little behind on? Yeah, that’s not giving you a staph infection because I clean it.
That milk you just spilled on the counter and proceeded to lick off? Yeah, you aren’t going to get salmonella, that counter is CLEAN. Why? BECAUSE MY DEAR FAMILY, I CLEAN IT. Me!
I know you don’t think I am the one cleaning the house. I know that. If you DID know I was the one cleaning it, I KNOW that you would try harder to keep it that way.
If you knew I was the one cleaning the house, your dirty socks would make it all the way to the hamper instead of halfway there. They stink but I don’t think they can crawl the rest of their way there on their own.
If you knew I was the one cleaning the house, there is no way that you would hoard half full cups of water beside your bed like you are preparing for the Alien’s from “Signs” to invade the planet.
If you knew. If you only knew, that I was the one that cleans the house, you would stop putting finger prints on my freshly washed windows. Stealing pudding out of the cupboard doesn’t require finger printing. ON MY WINDOWS.
I just know, that now that I have TOLD you that it is I, that clean the house. Me. You will stop leaving messes everywhere. I just know that you won’t leave the toothpaste in the sink anymore. I am convinced that you will walk that extra 5cm to drop your socks in the laundry basket. I am completely and utterly persuaded that you will help me help you because now you know, we don’t live in a fancy self cleaning house. So, Dear Family, I am so glad you know now.