It’s 12:45 in the afternoon and I sneak away. I try to ninja myself around the house as quiet as possible. I stealthily slide down the hall, curl around the corner, and duck and cover my way through the kitchen towards my final destination. No, I am not in trouble, The kids aren’t sleeping, The Avon lady is not at my door… I am not playing Hide N Seek… Per say… I am attempting a trip to the bathroom in which I can poop in peace. So I can poop alone.
I silently slide my pants down and park my bare kiester on the porcelain throne, I think I’ve done it! I might just poop alone! I finally allow myself to take a breath, a moment too soon. The bathroom door opens and there stands a Little Man… “What are you doing Mommy!?”
Baking Cookies, What does it look like!? “I have to poop Little Man” I calmly reply. “Now, Can you please close the door?” “Ok Mommy” He replies… as He enters the bathroom closing the door behind him and walks up to me… That’s not EXACTLY what I had in mind. I calmly ask him if he could please leave the bathroom, and I get a “But Mommy, You’re pooing… good job… I needa stay here and clap.”
Fantastic, so now not only do I have an audience but I also have a poop critic in my midst…
So, with Little Man’s unwelcome encouragement I complete my trip to the bathroom. Maybe next time I will evade him long enough to poop alone and in silence but for now I just have to accept that wasn’t in the cards this time. No time to poop alone for me.
I leave the bathroom with Little Man in tow and vow that I am going to make myself a snack, without child interference. I pull out some crackers, cheese and grapes… start to wash the grapes and Baby Girl decides she is awake and needs attention NOW… She sounds like a flipping pterodactyl… So much for THAT too! Can’t put the food in my mouth without child interference, Can’t remove the food from my body without child interference… it’s a vicious cycle.