11 years ago today, my Father passed away. I was just 14. He was such an influential person in my life and every single girl needs her Daddy. I had to go through some very important times in my life without mine.
I usually focus on writing very upbeat posts, I use humor frequently. This post isn’t going to be funny. This post is going to be honest, Unmasked Ninja Mommers. I am taking off the Ninja Garb and writing from my heart… I Would like to write a letter to my Father from his little girl.
It has been 11 years since you passed away and I still remember that day like it was yesterday. It was an awful day, a sad day and a day that everyone expected to come along. You were a strong man, proud. Maybe too proud, maybe so proud it was to your detriment. As a child you can never imagine your Father passing away, it wasn’t something I was “prepared” for, it wasn’t something I had ever imagined because to me, no matter what condition you were in… you were invincible. To me, you were a super hero. To me, you would have eternal life and as a child I took advantage of what little time I had with you.
Looking back I would have spent MORE time with you in the garage helping you build your cars. I remember crawling into the trunk of the ’72 Buick Skylark to help you since you were confined to your wheelchair and couldn’t do it yourself. I remember pulling the interior out of the car, I remember laughing a lot. I remember our trips to the grocery store, where I was bribed with promises of fast food if I would just help.. I hated grocery shopping, I hated having to lift the wheelchair in and out of the trunk, I HATED how monotonous food shopping was… I miss those trips now. Grocery shopping has never been quite the same until Little Man came along, and now I have Baby Girl too.. Lifting Carseats in and out of the car and balancing two kids on a cart reminds me of pushing you around the store.. how mad you would get at people who would just stand there in your way like it was so easy for you toÂ maneuver around them… I get it now… You didn’t want to have to rely on me to help you, you HAD to and I treated it like a chore.. when it should have been treated like a privilege.. Oh to go back to those days and just not complain.
I remember our trips to the park where my sister and I would climb trees and we would get Ice Cream and spend time together- I wish we had more time. I remember those times when you couldn’t get out of your recliner and you would ask me for help to guide you out. I remember the time close to when you passed away when you grabbed me as I was helping you out of the chair and you said to me: “I don’t know what I would do without you” My response SHOULD have been… “No Dad, I don’t know what I would do without YOU.” Instead I just shrugged it off…
I could go on ALL day and night about the things I should have done, or should have said. I could go on all day about how much I love you and miss you. I could go on FOREVER about how much I wish my Children could have met you and Little Man could have worked on cars with you, because he LOVES cars almost as much as you did (Yes, that’s possible) You would have loved him and he would have loved you. Baby Girl would have enjoyed your “Whisker Burns” just as much as I did, and heck, she’d probably be right out there in the garage with you just like I was. I wish you could meet my husband, because I did well Dad. You would have LOVED him because of how much he clearly loves me and our children. You would be so proud of the man he is and the woman he has helped me become. I miss you Daddy. I will always love you. You will always be in my heart and I will NEVER stop missing you!
Just because you aren’t here in person, doesn’t mean you aren’t here in my heart,
Your Little Girl